There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
