im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize