Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
