two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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