I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
