Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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