3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
