Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
