Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
