i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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