i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
