...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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