ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
