i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
