he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
