So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
