we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
