I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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