walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
