It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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