No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
