sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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