he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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