I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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