a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
