I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
