so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
