Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
