Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
