one might say we're banned from that church
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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