i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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