The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
