how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Can Purell be used as lube?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
