i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
