One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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