What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
