we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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