I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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