Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
