if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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