i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
