I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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