planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
