just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
