Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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