winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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