I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I love having hate sex.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
