We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
