I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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