I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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