i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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