they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
