I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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