I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
